(Source: moncherri)
a guide to uk cities for foreign people
- manchester: gays. you will probably get mugged.
- liverpool: like manchester, but less gay. you will definitely get mugged.
- newcastle: probably quite good for canadians as exists in permafrost and has never left the 90s.
- leeds: it's a lot cheaper than london
- bradford: leeds but awful
- nottingham: gun death capital of the uk!
- derby: intense rivalry with nottingham, literally no one else in the country or world gives any fucks about this.
- hull: violently resist anyone who attempts to take you here
- leicester: i'm not sure this is a real place
- york: this is an illustration from the top of a christmas biscuit assortment
- birmingham: NO.
- brighton & hove: more gays. is only a pretend city. mild to moderate chance of mugging. contains some deeply annoying hippies. basically if san francisco was british.
- portsmouth: there is literally nothing here.
- southampton: exactly the same as portsmouth but smells of off milk
- bristol: you have a 1 in 10 chance of ending up in a bbc recording. everyone sounds like a farmer or bob marley.
- cardiff: you have a 1 in 5 chance of ending up in a bbc recording, and a 1 in 3 chance of being glassed.
- plymouth: post apocalyptic wind tunnel full of drunk sailors pissing on depressed hookers. do not enter.
- penzance: everyone here is from london now.
- london: no one from london is actually from london and even breathing is expensive.
- cambridge: windy and full of equal amounts of homeless drug addicts and public schoolboys. the junkies are nicer.
- oxford: same number of cunts as cambridge but easier to escape from due to all-night bus to london
- edinburgh: a goth turned into a city. basically london but slightly more scottish.
- glasgow: it is impossible to tell whether people are angry or happy.
- aberdeen: las vegas at the point when vegas starts crying uncontrollably
- belfast: do not order "an irish car bomb" OR "a black and tan" here.
- wolverhampton: really, really don't.
- norwich: count people's fingers. mutations walk here.
- coventry: like plymouth, bombed flat in ww2. like plymouth, failed to take the hint. like plymouth: do not alight here.
- peterborough: you probably got off the train to Edinburgh a couple of hours too early.
(Source: mcdimples)
